Answered Questions

For over two months now, I have been asking questions that I feel like nobody can answer. These questions have been making me feel miserably guilty especially when I am alone on my bed at night. If left unanswered, it'll definitely creep into my sanity and render me useless. But I never have to feel the same anymore because in a way, I have found answers to the questions that are slowly eating me.

No, I haven't found them. They found me... err… he found me! At around 2:00 am, I dreamt of something or someone that I have been dreaming to dream about - my one and only sibling who passed away over two months ago. The scene is still clear in my mind. First scene shows my relatives and friends teasing me about something. But I didn't feel alone because I saw myself leaning on him; he's whispering something to me. It's as if he's alive! Then the scene changed all of a sudden - it shows the time when he is back from the dead... or at least back to visit us.

Here's how our conversation goes:

Me: Did you hear us waking you up?
Him: Yes
Me: Why didn't you wake up?
Him: I can't wake up.
Me: Are you mad at us?
Him: No. I'll be back tomorrow.

After that conversation, I saw him with eyes closed (exactly the same way when I saw him at the hospital) but this time he is not on the hospital bed. I can see unknown hands lifting him as if to transfer him to somewhere. (Too bad I wasn't able to ask him where he is exactly at or if he is happy wherever he is.)

Surprisingly, I wasn't crying when I woke up. I opened my eyes hoping that I can catch a glimpse of him if he is around but to no avail. I uttered my thank you (for reaching out to me) and contemplate on what he is trying to tell me or what the dream means. I believe it's his way of telling me to move on and not worry about him. And what made me lighten up more are his last words, "I'll be back tomorrow." It made me a bit hopeful that I'll be seeing him again and again, even in dreams or in other ways to make his presence felt.

Though he is physically gone, I am assured that I have one big bro watching over me and who promised to be back the next day (even if that next day means the next time I need a lift again.).