Forever Missed, Forever Loved

It has been exactly one month after my brother Lawrence passed away. His death came as a surprise for us because he never gave us signs or warnings even just a day before he died. That made it more difficult for us to accept his passing. He left us without telling us or letting us know what he's feeling, if he's sick or what.

Though I always try my best to look at the bright side of life, I still can't help but question the events. There are so many people on their sickbeds waiting for death to end their misery... people in prisons who deserve life sentence. Of all people why him? He has not yet fully enjoyed his earthly life. If he was gravely ill a few days before he died, we might have prepared ourselves. We might have bid him farewell and let him know that he is loved. It would have been easier for us to accept because we know that he is prepared for his final departure.

It has been a month but yet the memory is still fresh. I can vividly recall my uncle calmly telling me that he's gone... Seeing him in the emergency room covered in white cloth... not moving... lifeless! The thought of him gone keeps on breaking my heart again and again and again. I think it will never stop breaking. I wonder how long am I gonna stay this way. I know he doesn't want to know that I'm emotionally troubled right now but I can't help it. I can't help not to grieve for the loss of someone who loved me in his own special way.

Brother bear, wherever you are, please make your presence felt. Please let me know how are you doing right now. I hope you know that everyday I think of you. I'll forever miss and love you...